From Roaring Lion to Sleeping Kitten: How to Tame Your Inner Critic

You lay awake at night, replaying every word you said in that meeting earlier today. Did you sound smart enough? Did you talk too much? Not enough? That voice in your head is relentless: “You could have done better.” For many high-achieving women, especially those with a career they care about, this inner voice can feel like an uninvited companion, always eager to point out flaws and mistakes.

Meet your inner critic. She’s a challenge faced by many women who set high standards for themselves. The inner critic can hold you back from enjoying your achievements, pursuing opportunities, and feeling confident in your own skin. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In this post, we’ll explore what the inner critic is, how it shows up in your life, and—most importantly—concrete steps you can take to tame it, both at work and at home.

Who is the Inner Critic?

The inner critic is that internal voice that judges, shames, or second-guesses you. It might whisper that you’re not smart enough, not prepared enough, or just plain not enough. For professional women, this voice often grows from a lifetime of high expectations—perfectionism, competition, and the pressure to “have it all together.”

Where does it come from? It’s a mix of societal messages, family dynamics, and personal experiences. Over time, it becomes a habit—your brain’s default setting for self-evaluation. Here are some common ways the inner critic shows up:

Perfectionism: “If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.”

Imposter Syndrome: “Any minute now, they’ll figure out I don’t belong here.”

Comparison Trap: “She’s so much more successful/attractive/put-together than I am.”

Catastrophizing: “If I make a mistake, it’ll ruin everything.”

The inner critic’s goal is to keep you safe from failure, embarrassment, or disappointment—but in trying to protect you, it often holds you back from growth and joy.

How the Inner Critic Gets in the Way of Thriving

Left unchecked, the inner critic can quietly sabotage your well-being and success. Here’s how:

Burnout: You work harder and longer to avoid mistakes, but you never feel like it’s enough. You skip breaks, say yes to every request, and end up exhausted.

Procrastination: You avoid tasks because you’re afraid you can’t do them perfectly, which can lead to missed opportunities or last-minute stress.

Impaired Confidence: You second-guess your ideas in meetings, hesitate to ask for a promotion, or stay silent when you’d like to contribute.

Reduced Joy: Even when you succeed, you find it hard to celebrate—your inner critic reminds you of everything you could have done better.

At home, the inner critic might sound like: “You’re a terrible friend because you haven’t called back.” Or: “You should be spending more time with your kids/partner.” This voice keeps you stuck in self-judgment, making it hard to enjoy your life.

Tame the Inner Critic at Work

Here are some concrete strategies to help you quiet that voice and build confidence at work:

1. Name and externalize the critic

Give it a silly name—like “Naggy Nancy” or “Perfect Patty.” This helps you recognize that it’s not you, just a mental habit you’ve developed.

2. Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities

Instead of thinking, “I failed,” think, “I learned something for next time.” A growth mindset turns mistakes into stepping stones.

3. Reality-check your thoughts

Ask: “Is this fact or interpretation?” Would you talk to a colleague the way you’re talking to yourself? If not, it’s probably the inner critic speaking.

4. Practice self-compassion

Try saying to yourself: “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Remember that everyone struggles, and you’re not alone.

5. Set realistic expectations

Break big projects into smaller steps, and celebrate progress along the way. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.

6. Seek feedback and support

Talk to a trusted colleague or mentor who can give you honest feedback and remind you of your strengths.

Tame the Inner Critic at Home

At home, it’s equally important to build self-kindness:

1. Create a self-care ritual

Set aside time each week to relax, reflect, and check in with yourself. This might be a walk, a bath, or time spent on a favorite hobby.

2. Use journaling to challenge harsh thoughts

Write down what your inner critic is saying, then write a kind, rational response. This practice helps you shift from criticism to compassion.

3. Celebrate achievements, big and small

Keep a “done list” alongside your to-do list. Give yourself credit for what you do, not just what’s left undone.

4. Set boundaries with yourself and others

Remember that it’s okay to say no. You’re allowed to prioritize your needs.

5. Engage in activities that build confidence and joy

Take up a hobby you love, exercise, or try something new. Doing things you enjoy builds resilience against the inner critic.

Conclusion

The inner critic can be powerful, but it doesn’t have to run your life. By understanding where it comes from and how it shows up—and by practicing these strategies—you can build a more compassionate, confident relationship with yourself. Remember: you are not alone in this. Everyone struggles with self-doubt sometimes, and progress always comes with practice.

Start small: pick one strategy that speaks to you and give it a try this week. You deserve to thrive—at work, at home, and in every part of your life.

If you find yourself needing more personalized support, therapy can be a safe and empowering space to explore the roots of your inner critic and build strategies tailored to your unique challenges.

You don’t have to face this alone. Reach out today and take the first step toward greater balance, peace, and purpose.